I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it's like iHOP with fire
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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