I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
