Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
