FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
