i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
