so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
