I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
