Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
