I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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