Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
