haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
