So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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