Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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