i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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