Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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