you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
