do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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