dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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