Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
