At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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