You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
