Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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