Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
