This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
