Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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