i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
