Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
