Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
