And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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