her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
