I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So much rum. So many feels.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
