We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
