this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
