did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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