I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
