okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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