No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
