is your mom at the bar?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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