and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
