I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
