smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you traded sex for a burrito?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
