Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
