Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
His nipple licking is glorious
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