Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
