I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Boobs speak an international language.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
