What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
