Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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