Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
