I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
