Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
