she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I love you. Go after that dick
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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