You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
