so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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