She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
