I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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