either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
