if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
